NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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