How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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