I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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