I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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