I'm lost and stupid without you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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