this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
