bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
