I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
