barbara walters just said penis...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
