I accidentally had phone sex last night
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she looked like the before picture.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
