omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
