don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
