were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
