why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
