so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
