Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
