does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
how does that bad decision feel?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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