I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
