Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
