Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
