I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize