My nipple is on Facebook.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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