just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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