hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
