meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
