According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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