I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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