My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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