I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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