You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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