Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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