Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
