I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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