Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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