i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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