Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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