I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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