oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
