Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
