On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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