what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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