Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize