; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
