Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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