First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
