ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
