he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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