so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
