The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
