FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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