just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
