Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize