i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
