everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
