My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
