Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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