yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
