Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
