You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
