I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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