Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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