Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
