if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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