he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
