No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
