And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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