He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it hurts more in the daytime
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
