I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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