even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
