I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
