I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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