Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
