i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
