Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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