i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
