I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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