he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
