she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
