It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jรคger
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize