I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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