Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
