i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
