There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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