Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
