What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
